While chatting with a friend recently, I talked about my spiritual struggles and the ways that I seem to feel changed and challenged when I drift from the Lord. At the time, I mentioned that I believed some of my friend's and family showed their spiritual struggles more outwardly, that I could easily tell when things weren't quite straight in their lives. I felt like my struggles were strictly inward battles; that when I start to fall away from reading my bible and adamant prayer, I didn't believe that anyone would really notice- after all, my relationship with Christ is mine; it's personal. I feel that I'm a pretty alright person, and I like to think my attitude and personality remains pretty constant whether going through a tough time or not.
I think everything I said that day is balogna.
What a very selfish and cowardly idea for me to suggest! That I remain a perfectly model christian whether living through struggles or not is very untrue, and I should be the first to admit and understand that. I believe all Christians struggle, and our struggles show. It's why Christians get divorces. It's why we, too, can't hold our tongues, it's why we struggle with money, relationships, pornography, greed- you name it. It's because we're humans. We struggle, but we also have the wisdom to learn, to seek council and to better ourselves in order to be a loving Christian, inwardly and outwardly.
I read through my Everyday Encouragement notebook today (Pamela McQuade) and felt like God was jabbing me in the back saying
Pay attention for once. I'm trying to show you something, you big Doofus!
Here's what I read:
"No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us.'
How do we see God? Often, it's through other people. That's why it's important to be a compassionate Christian witness- people see you and think God is like you, if you claim his name. In that way, many people have gotten erroneous concepts about the Savior. But many more have come to love Him through faithful testimonies. Today, you can love others and show them clearly what Jesus looks like.
I don't feel that I've been behaving as one of God's children lately, and I hate the thought of someone looking at me and shaking their head at my claims at Christianity.
This week, I'm working on holding my tongue- whether through gossiping, inappropriate language, or negative words about unhappy places in my life- the military, especially. This week, I want others to see God through me and to want to strive to have what I have, but have so often taken for granted.
4 comments:
probably my favorite blog of yours thus far. and so very true. i'm also using terrible grammar and punctuation right now, which just shows how over this school year i truly am. anyhow, back to the subject at hand. as Christians, we ALL struggle....some of us more than others. but the cool thing is, whenever it gets really hard and really challenging, i tell myself that being a Christian IS hard. it's hard not to give into gossiping, complaining, etc. i definitely struggle with it, too (pretty sure lots of people do). but like your book says, it's important to embody what a Christian is in your daily life because non-believers look to you for guidance :)
The bottom line is that we are all humans, and humans are flawed. While we strive for the ol' WWJD mentality, when it comes down to it, we have to understand that perfection is unattainable. So, just as you did, recognize your shortcomings, pray about them, and do your best to overcome them... all the while allowing yourself a little grace when you're not perfectly perfect. Love you, sistul.
K, love hearing/reading your thoughts on marriage, God, Jillian, and every other thing. Looking forward to the day that we can be in your company more often!
Awesome post Kayla. It shows growth and a teachable heart. Good for you. Keep your heart open for learning, loving and changing.
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