Nostalgia

As this pregnancy finally draws to a close, I am, of course, feeling a bit nostalgic over the last (nearly) 10 months of my life.  

I will forever remember the terror and excitement of seeing that '+' sign back in August,

watching Jody's reaction when I told him I was pregnant,

staring at my tummy for so many months and wishing it would grow,

experiencing, for the first time, how it feels to be physically inept due to morning sickness, exhaustion and back pain,

hearing her heartbeat for the first time...

 

And yet,

nothing seems real.

 At all.

Am I really about to have a baby?  

There is no way I am fully aware of what is about to happen to my body, my marriage, my heart and my identity.  But how can I be?  

I've never done this before.

I'm torn between savoring every last moment of my pregnancy, 

and wishing away this foreign body and praying that our daughter chooses to meet us sooner, rather than later.

In a few weeks, I will forever be responsible for a human life.  Leisurely trips to Target and Starbucks will no longer spontaneously happen because I 'feel' like it, quiet times with Jody will be unexpectedly interrupted (often) and feeling guilty over eating after 9pm will once again return.  

Boo. 

A scrawny, soft, beautiful, noisy little mini me is about to exit my body and enter and change our lives forever.

Yikes.

Anyway, you've heard it all before:  The tales of every emotional, full term pregnant first time mom.

So I'll move on.

I have no current 'belly shots', but I can assure you I feel huge (I know, I know, 'I'd never guess you're full term!') But, seriously.  I've been walking quite a bit (Cedar and I even jogged some today!) and feel great, most of the time.  I'm stinking tired, but nothing compared the the exhaustion I felt during the first trimester.  

In my opinion, these last few weeks are uncomfortable and emotionally trying, but they're nothing compared to the first trimester.

I have my 38 week appointment tomorrow, where I'm hoping to hear some news of progress towards labor.  I've been experiencing all kinds of strange bodily issues this week.  On Monday, I went to bed with cramps so bad that I was sure we'd be heading to the hospital the next day.  When I woke up, though, I felt great and not a single pain bothered me all day.  Yesterday, I walked around with a solid, cramped up and contracting stomach all. day. long.  Nothing painful, just awkward and uncomfortable.  And today, nothing - again.  I am so curious about labor, and I pray every day that Cedar will have the opportunity to join us on her own time.  Our official due date is May 11, and our midwives allow one week and 5 days past due date before induction occurs, so if you're willing, please pray that Cedar makes her way into this world before the 23 of May.  If that were the case, we have real trouble brewing anyway, as we're scheduled to fly home on the 31 of May.  

 I am really hoping to avoid the trouble of doing that less than a week postpartum or switching ticket dates, as I don't even know if Cedar's and my health will be acceptable for travel.  Anyway, I'm trusting God and that his timing is perfect.  Cedar's conception, and her impending arrival were and are already marked on the Lord's calendar, and I'm sure he's up there snickering at my impatience.

Here are a few photo updates:

 Look, Jody does exist!  

Our community group surprised us this week with a 'diaper shower' and pretty Cedar cake!  As if we haven't been spoiled enough, we now have several boxes of diapers and wipes to get us through the first few (weeks? months?) of stinky, wet Cedar bottom.

 Jody came home last Saturday morning from duty and woke me up with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a sweet card congratulating me for making it 'full term' - 37 long weeks of pregnancy.  The card cracked me up and I had planned on sticking it in the hospital bag for smiles amidst labor, but it seems to have found its way into Cedar's bed, instead.

I'm cool with that.

 I keep moving things around, and no arrangement seems quite right, but this is the set up that pleases me most.  I'm sure it will move around again once Cedar is here.

 How many of YOU get to have your bottom wiped under a cute chalkboard sign with your name on it? 

Baby crap.  Who knew they required so much?