I Need Chocolate Bars.

Quick updates.

I'ts been busy.

It's been boring.

It's been emotional.

It's been apathetic.

It's been High.

It's been Low.

Jody left.

Jody came back.

Jody left again.

He'll probably come back.

...As is our life.  Clearly, I've been all over the place.  I'm working about 30 hours a week at my new job, and still taking the kids to school three mornings a week.  I've stayed busy during my free time hanging out with friends, running, and staying quite glued to the Word.  I'm in a women's devotional over facebook with some other women from all walks of life and marriage, doing the book The Power of a Praying Wife.  It's been keeping me accountable in my prayers and my thoughts for and towards Jody.  I'm working hard to accept that Jody is gone and will stay gone, often, for the next two years.  It's hard on us, no doubt, and the circumstance cannot be controlled- but something I am in control of is my prayer life towards Jody.  He has been gone for a little over a week now, and we have about six more weeks to go, give or take a few.
But I'm relaxed. 
I feel as if I'm tip toeing around, walking on eggshells in order not to erupt the volcano of emotions brewing in my heart.  That thing is boiling, and it's massive.  But if we keep quiet, and we don't let it know we're aware of it...Ah, yes;
We'll be fine.  I'll be fine.

Our internet has been down for about a week now, and I've made little effort to get it fixed after the initial first three days of being extremely irritated without my facebook and email fixes.  Instead, I've been reading.  Painting my toe nails.  Taking bubble baths.  Scrubbing down my kitchen.  Reading magazines.  Praying.  Writing.  Thinking. 

Maybe too much.

I'm trying to figure out what I need to do, who I need to be, in order to be...me.  Me, as in the person God made me to be.  Kayla, at her best.  Here's what I've figured:
In my life, I need

-Guidance.  God didn't make me a natural leader, even though I feel myself stepping up more and more every day.  I've always longed to be led, and to do the right thing.  I want assurance that I'm doing the right thing, and I need guidance from my friends, family, husband, and the Lord.
-Exercise.  I rarely falter here, but recently I've gotten very off track, and have felt the lack of physcial activity's toll on me more emotionally than physically.  I've started running again, and am back up to running several miles a day.  I'm even following a running schedule to keep myself accountable.  I feel better than ever in so many aspects of my life when I just buck up and make it happen.
-Me time.  Crucial.  I love sweat pants, I love being at home, and I love silence.  I need silence.  I need to say No sometimes, and to not cater to everyone else's needs all the time.  I need me!
-Fun!  I'm naturally a hermit, but when someone forces me to go out, or I do it for my own good, I nearly never regret it.  I've found fun in my weekly community groups, in helping Danielle shop for little baby Ayden, in watching movies and drinking too much wine with fellow navy wives and girlfriends, and in exploring Hampton roads- trying new things, getting lost, and meeting new people.

I think we know what we need to be the best that we can be.  If not, you should spend an evening reading, painting your toes nails, taking bubble baths, scrubbing your kitchen, reading magazines, praying, writing, and thinking.  Too much.

You'll freak yourself out.

I don't think I have any more to say tonight.

What makes you...You?